Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
