I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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