ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
