Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
