after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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