WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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