It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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