we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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