Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
