it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
