my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
