my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
