I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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