I am puke
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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