He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
