I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
