mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My brain says no but my pants say off.
love makes seman taste better
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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