Kiss
Puke
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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