It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
