is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
