i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
