this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
