you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
