bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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