I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I puked a lego.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
