Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
