nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
