i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
