i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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