i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
