So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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