NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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