Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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