When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
