i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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