I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
