I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
