bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
