She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Boobs speak an international language.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
