she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
