we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
