Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
