Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
