wrigley field is MILF paradise
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
