Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
