I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
