We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
