Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
