Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
