At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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