Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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