Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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